Part 1 (The Early
20’s)
A
few days ago I turned 30. I cannot even believe it. Where did the time go? If
you want to know how old 30 is, look at all these other things that are turning
30 this year. In a recent TED talk Meg Jay, author
of “The Defining Decade” stated that our 30’s are not our 20’s and that we all
need to stop thinking our lives are an episode of GIRLS and get our lives together. I happen to like GIRLS and I
think that even if we have it together in one area, very rarely do we it all
have together in every area at the same time. Even know, I feel like I’m always
working on some area of my life or adjusting to a new change. However, in my
early 20’s, I did think I had to “have it all together” and the anxiety over
having it all, made me rush into the milestones of adulthood.
In
hindsight, my 20’s were all about the growing pains of becoming an independent
individual. Most of us leave our teen years carrying a lot of baggage, and the
expectations of our well intentioned parents. At some point it’s hard to
distinguish between what we want for ourselves and what others want for us. After
high school, we are thrust into adulthood after choosing a college and then pressured
to choose a major that will allegedly determine what we do with rest of our
life. After college we have to at least
pretend to have our life together. Because no one wants to end up the poster
child for one of those articles that talks about how Millennials all suck and
are never going to do anything worthwhile with their lives except build an
impressive stock of Instagram photos.
There
are lots of things to navigate in your 20’s and I could have used a survival
guide. Here’s a few truth’s that I learned after surviving this roaring and
turbulent decade that might help you get through these times.
1) You
Will Make Mistakes- Even the best of you will mess up and that is a
beautiful thing as this is the only way you will grow as a person. This is how
you will know that certain things are not acceptable to you and most
importantly after thriving and surviving your mistakes you will know that you
can wither any storm that comes your way.
2) Your
Life May Not Go According to Plan- Accept that the things you want
now will change and that even if you achieve the perfect job, relationship,
life, you may find that it’s not as great as you thought it would be and that
its time to move on to other things. The sooner you let go of “the plan”
the sooner you can figure out who you really are and where you want to go next.
4) You Will
Need a Support System- Believe me that YOU WILL NOT MAKE IT OUT ALIVE
without a support system. Friendships are challenging, because your friends
know all your issues and frankly they are probably tired of hearing about them
and your inability to deal with them. That's normal but it doesn't mean they
don't love and appreciate you. Friendships evolve and go through different
phases that is just life, get used to it, it will be good practice for your
late 20’s when all of your friends meet their “soulmates”, have babies/dog
babies , move away for graduate school or a fabulous job. But true friends will
always find a way to stay in your life.
5) Deal
with your Issues Now ( Ignore this at your Own Peril)- I read this quote in Thought Catalog about your 20’s
that rang very true: “In your twenties, if you have any amount of
complexity in your childhood, or any trauma that you haven’t dealt with, it
comes out. “Every awkward Sally Draper moment in which you
realized your parents were human and every unresolved instance of lost
innocence comes crashing down on you. Just remember that being confused about all
that is normal and having unresolved issues is too. It’s important you
recognize whatever “your” issues are and you start working on them now.
At the age of 20, I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and it took me very
long to not feel ashamed about that and to start finding ways to manage the
feelings that overcame me rather than try to pretend they didn’t exist.
6) Enjoy Your
Body- Enjoy your body in your early 20’s, because sometime after age
25 you will notice a decline. Getting drunk won’t seem as fun when your
hangovers last 48 hours. I will never forget the first under eye wrinkle I saw
at the age of 27 under the fluorescent lighting at Forever 21. Please do
enjoy and also take care of your body now. (Also can someone tell me at what
age it becomes unacceptable to even walk into Forever 21? My friends and I
can’t seem to come to an agreement on this issue.)
7) Keep Your
Financial House in Order- One day you are just a kid and all of a sudden
you’re in college and there’s these things called FAFSA and they are asking you
to decide what kind of loans to take out. Meanwhile, depending on how you were
raised you don’t even know your social security number. This is the time to
start educating yourself on these issues, it is also a good time to learn how
to make a budget and stick to it. After graduation the car my dad had purchased
for me broke down suddenly and I learned very quickly that with my credit score
I didn’t really qualify for a loan that didn’t come with a very high interest
rate. I hope you make better decisions than I did. Look at sites like
mint.com and learnvest.com that help you make a budget and teach you about
personal finance issues like how to build a good credit score.
8) A
Word on Romance- Yikes, I could write a book on all the things I did
wrong in this department. From infidelity, to chasing the wrong boys, to
holding on to the ones I didn’t like for my own selfish needs- I pretty much
covered a lot of territory in a short amount of time. It’s hard to capture any
“advice” because we all learn and evolve differently on these matters.
Here’s what I can tell you, when we are young we fail to consider that the
things we thought we wanted are not the things we need to feel content. We are
too young to know that things that at first were non-issues can become deal
breakers. Worse, we don’t realize when we are in relationships that don’t suit
us and we ignore that inner voice that tells us that something is not
right. I don’t consider any of the things I did mistakes, but rather that
it took guts to let go of people who weren’t right for me so that we could both
seek a better match. Every person that touches our life leaves us with a
lesson. Maybe we don't see that lesson at first but eventually we see the gift
they left us with.
And Finally:
Don’t
feel pressured to figure it all out in your 20’s because life doesn’t end after
29. Embrace the turbulent and
transformative nature of your 20’s. Sometimes we want to things to look a certain
way or work out in a way that makes life less messy, this way we don't have to
keep searching and we don't have to deal with the inner turmoil lurking inside
us. Allow yourself to feel the pangs of the uncertain; these feelings let
you know that you’re alive. Those feelings of uncertainty never fade and
if they do it means you are being too safe and that is no way for any of us to
live.
Xoxo,
Betsy Aimee
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