I started my blog in
August of 2011 after years of thinking about it and making up lame excuses
like,“oh well I should really learn HTML before I can start this.” One night I
decided I was going to do it and I did. I was on anti-depressants then so I
think it was easier for me to focus on things.Then when I finally
started, I couldn't stop. I took a few
writing courses and realized that although at heart I always felt like a writer
who just hadn't gotten around to writing. I had some successes and I was even
published on Forbes Magazine! Well the online version, but still that was quite
a feat for someone who had only been writing a few months.
Then my old demons
reared their ugly head. You see I am
incredibly inconsistent with things. Once I have gotten into the habit of
something it takes about a day of not doing it for me to just abandon the habit
all together. While this means I am not a particularly good addict, it also
means I am a horrible blogger.
Then my life got a
little murky and confusing and rather than have to explain to all of my readers
(I mean all 5 of you) what was going on with my life it was easier for me to
retreat into a sea of excuses. Some of
these ranged from the delusional, “Well I will never be as witty as Mindy
Kaling so what is the point?” to the more rational such as, “well you need to
engage readers often so you probably already lost them.”
Alas I have spent the
last few months pitching a few stories every so often to websites that refuse
to publish me. (You know who you are!)
Okay I only did that twice but you get my point. I have a bunch of
unfinished, garbled products living in my computer and in my brain.
However, it is getting
really crowded in my head so here I am today.
Last time I wrote and published on my blog it was August of 2012. Here’s
what I have learned since:
1) I Write to
Stay Sane Not for Other People
Writing
for me was more of a therapeutic activity, because “like OMG, I have SO MANY
feelings”. Also there was finally a way
to channel all the personal information I am constantly putting out there, I’m
sure my friends were relieved that they no longer had to read my lengthy texts
because alas I had moved on to a bigger audience. When I stopped blogging it
was like an accumulation of thought and ideas started to block rational
thinking. Everything was overanalyzed in my head, in actual time and eventually
I would sit and write something and feel better but then I felt unproductive
because I hadn't published it.
2) Perfect is
the Enemy of the Good
I
have written about this before but please indulge me. Writing is an art form so
you are never really done with a piece; it’s more like you publish a draft. I
consistently tell myself pieces need to be perfect to be published. In the meantime, I stopped writing all
together because I stress myself out over the process. You just have to keep doing it and not get
discouraged
3) Writing is
Essential When You Are Going Through Major Life Transitions
Last
year I was I afraid to write about a major life transition and the feelings that led me to
it so instead I would write about clothes, or Cinco De Mayo. The whole time I
was avoiding the issue even with my therapist, and I kept thinking about my
writing instructor who said we should write about whatever scares us the
most. Then somehow through that whole mess
I got incredibly lucky and fell in love. To make a very long and complicated
story short, we moved in together, now I am pregnant. Then I really
knew I was way behind on my blogging and so then it became harder to start
writing again. I really wish I wouldn't have stopped.
As
you can imagine that was all grand and I was too busy living these things to
tell you about it, but now I feel like I missed so many opportunities to
capture the very raw emotions that came with all of these transitions. Don’t worry I captured some of them but
mostly for my personal reflection. Now I
want to blog all about it but I keep thinking that too much has happened and
that people will have absolutely no idea what I am talking about. I hope I just caught you up!
4) Once
you stop you
Realize that Maybe you did Touch a Few People
Once
I stopped blogging I hoped that no one would notice. My friends commented on it but they are my
safety zone so I wasn't particularly ashamed. Then I ran into a work
acquaintance and she said, “I really hope you continue to write, because you do
it so beautifully.” I was shocked by the response and then a few weeks later I
received an email from someone who read a piece I had written months before
asking me for advice. What?! It was the
first time I realized people who aren't in my inner circle actually read what I write.
5) It’s Never
Too Late to Do What You Want
You
know what? I decided that today was the day I was going to start again. Is there something you have been avoiding? What is holding you back,
is it your own neurosis? Mine, holds me
back all the time. But the beauty of life is that every day is a new
opportunity to work towards the life you want. This is day 1 for me!
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