Lessons from The Turbulent, Roaring 20’s

Part 1 (The Early 20’s)

A few days ago I turned 30. I cannot even believe it. Where did the time go? If you want to know how old 30 is, look at all these other things that are turning 30 this year. In a recent TED talk Meg Jay, author of “The Defining Decade” stated that our 30’s are not our 20’s and that we all need to stop thinking our lives are an episode of GIRLS and get our lives together. I happen to like GIRLS and I think that even if we have it together in one area, very rarely do we it all have together in every area at the same time. Even know, I feel like I’m always working on some area of my life or adjusting to a new change. However, in my early 20’s, I did think I had to “have it all together” and the anxiety over having it all, made me rush into the milestones of adulthood.  

In hindsight, my 20’s were all about the growing pains of becoming an independent individual. Most of us leave our teen years carrying a lot of baggage, and the expectations of our well intentioned parents. At some point it’s hard to distinguish between what we want for ourselves and what others want for us. After high school, we are thrust into adulthood after choosing a college and then pressured to choose a major that will allegedly determine what we do with rest of our life.  After college we have to at least pretend to have our life together. Because no one wants to end up the poster child for one of those articles that talks about how Millennials all suck and are never going to do anything worthwhile with their lives except build an impressive stock of Instagram photos. 

There are lots of things to navigate in your 20’s and I could have used a survival guide. Here’s a few truth’s that I learned after surviving this roaring and turbulent decade that might help you get through these times.

1)      You Will Make Mistakes- Even the best of you will mess up and that is a beautiful thing as this is the only way you will grow as a person. This is how you will know that certain things are not acceptable to you and most importantly after thriving and surviving your mistakes you will know that you can wither any storm that comes your way.

2)      Your Life May Not Go According to Plan-  Accept that the things you want now will change and that even if you achieve the perfect job, relationship, life, you may find that it’s not as great as you thought it would be and that its time to move on to other things.  The sooner you let go of “the plan” the sooner you can figure out who you really are and where you want to go next.

4)    You Will Need a Support System- Believe me that YOU WILL NOT MAKE IT OUT ALIVE without a support system. Friendships are challenging, because your friends know all your issues and frankly they are probably tired of hearing about them and your inability to deal with them. That's normal but it doesn't mean they don't love and appreciate you. Friendships evolve and go through different phases that is just life, get used to it, it will be good practice for your late 20’s when all of your friends meet their “soulmates”, have babies/dog babies , move away for graduate school or a fabulous job. But true friends will always find a way to stay in your life.

5)      Deal with your Issues Now ( Ignore this at your Own Peril)- I read this quote in Thought Catalog about your 20’s that rang very true: “In your twenties, if you have any amount of complexity in your childhood, or any trauma that you haven’t dealt with, it comes out. “Every awkward Sally Draper moment in which you realized your parents were human and every unresolved instance of lost innocence comes crashing down on you.  Just remember that being confused about all that is normal and having unresolved issues is too. It’s important you recognize whatever “your” issues are and you start working on them now.  At the age of 20, I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and it took me very long to not feel ashamed about that and to start finding ways to manage the feelings that overcame me rather than try to pretend they didn’t exist.

6)    Enjoy Your Body- Enjoy your body in your early 20’s, because sometime after age 25 you will notice a decline. Getting drunk won’t seem as fun when your hangovers last 48 hours. I will never forget the first under eye wrinkle I saw at the age of 27 under the fluorescent lighting at Forever 21.  Please do enjoy and also take care of your body now. (Also can someone tell me at what age it becomes unacceptable to even walk into Forever 21? My friends and I can’t seem to come to an agreement on this issue.)

7)    Keep Your Financial House in Order- One day you are just a kid and all of a sudden you’re in college and there’s these things called FAFSA and they are asking you to decide what kind of loans to take out. Meanwhile, depending on how you were raised you don’t even know your social security number. This is the time to start educating yourself on these issues, it is also a good time to learn how to make a budget and stick to it. After graduation the car my dad had purchased for me broke down suddenly and I learned very quickly that with my credit score I didn’t really qualify for a loan that didn’t come with a very high interest rate.  I hope you make better decisions than I did. Look at sites like mint.com and learnvest.com that help you make a budget and teach you about personal finance issues like how to build a good credit score.

8)      A Word on Romance- Yikes, I could write a book on all the things I did wrong in this department. From infidelity, to chasing the wrong boys, to holding on to the ones I didn’t like for my own selfish needs- I pretty much covered a lot of territory in a short amount of time. It’s hard to capture any “advice” because we all learn and evolve differently on these matters.  Here’s what I can tell you, when we are young we fail to consider that the things we thought we wanted are not the things we need to feel content. We are too young to know that things that at first were non-issues can become deal breakers. Worse, we don’t realize when we are in relationships that don’t suit us and we ignore that inner voice that tells us that something is not right.  I don’t consider any of the things I did mistakes, but rather that it took guts to let go of people who weren’t right for me so that we could both seek a better match. Every person that touches our life leaves us with a lesson. Maybe we don't see that lesson at first but eventually we see the gift they left us with.

And Finally:

Don’t feel pressured to figure it all out in your 20’s because life doesn’t end after 29.  Embrace the turbulent and transformative nature of your 20’s.  Sometimes we want to things to look a certain way or work out in a way that makes life less messy, this way we don't have to keep searching and we don't have to deal with the inner turmoil lurking inside us.  Allow yourself to feel the pangs of the uncertain; these feelings let you know that you’re alive.  Those feelings of uncertainty never fade and if they do it means you are being too safe and that is no way for any of us to live.

      Xoxo,

Betsy Aimee 

Lessons from an Absent Blogger

I started my blog in August of 2011 after years of thinking about it and making up lame excuses like,“oh well I should really learn HTML before I can start this.” One night I decided I was going to do it and I did. I was on anti-depressants then so I think it was easier for me to focus on things.Then when I finally started, I couldn't stop.  I took a few writing courses and realized that although at heart I always felt like a writer who just hadn't gotten around to writing. I had some successes and I was even published on Forbes Magazine! Well the online version, but still that was quite a feat for someone who had only been writing a few months.

Then my old demons reared their ugly head.  You see I am incredibly inconsistent with things. Once I have gotten into the habit of something it takes about a day of not doing it for me to just abandon the habit all together. While this means I am not a particularly good addict, it also means I am a horrible blogger.

Then my life got a little murky and confusing and rather than have to explain to all of my readers (I mean all 5 of you) what was going on with my life it was easier for me to retreat into a sea of excuses.  Some of these ranged from the delusional, “Well I will never be as witty as Mindy Kaling so what is the point?” to the more rational such as, “well you need to engage readers often so you probably already lost them.”

Alas I have spent the last few months pitching a few stories every so often to websites that refuse to publish me. (You know who you are!)  Okay I only did that twice but you get my point. I have a bunch of unfinished, garbled products living in my computer and in my brain.

However, it is getting really crowded in my head so here I am today.  Last time I wrote and published on my blog it was August of 2012. Here’s what I have learned since:

1)    I Write to Stay Sane Not for Other People

Writing for me was more of a therapeutic activity, because “like OMG, I have SO MANY feelings”.  Also there was finally a way to channel all the personal information I am constantly putting out there, I’m sure my friends were relieved that they no longer had to read my lengthy texts because alas I had moved on to a bigger audience. When I stopped blogging it was like an accumulation of thought and ideas started to block rational thinking. Everything was overanalyzed in my head, in actual time and eventually I would sit and write something and feel better but then I felt unproductive because I hadn't published it.

2)  Perfect is the Enemy of the Good

I have written about this before but please indulge me. Writing is an art form so you are never really done with a piece; it’s more like you publish a draft. I consistently tell myself pieces need to be perfect to be published.  In the meantime, I stopped writing all together because I stress myself out over the process.  You just have to keep doing it and not get discouraged

3) Writing is Essential When You Are Going Through Major Life Transitions

Last year I was I afraid to write about a major life transition and the feelings that led me to it so instead I would write about clothes, or Cinco De Mayo. The whole time I was avoiding the issue even with my therapist, and I kept thinking about my writing instructor who said we should write about whatever scares us the most.  Then somehow through that whole mess I got incredibly lucky and fell in love. To make a very long and complicated story short, we moved in together, now I am pregnant. Then I really knew I was way behind on my blogging and so then it became harder to start writing again.  I really wish I wouldn't have stopped.

As you can imagine that was all grand and I was too busy living these things to tell you about it, but now I feel like I missed so many opportunities to capture the very raw emotions that came with all of these transitions.  Don’t worry I captured some of them but mostly for my personal reflection.  Now I want to blog all about it but I keep thinking that too much has happened and that people will have absolutely no idea what I am talking about.  I hope I just caught you up!

4)   Once you stop you Realize that Maybe you did Touch a Few People

Once I stopped blogging I hoped that no one would notice.  My friends commented on it but they are my safety zone so I wasn't particularly ashamed. Then I ran into a work acquaintance and she said, “I really hope you continue to write, because you do it so beautifully.” I was shocked by the response and then a few weeks later I received an email from someone who read a piece I had written months before asking me for advice. What?!  It was the first time I realized people who aren't in my inner circle actually read what I write.

5) It’s Never Too Late to Do What You Want

You know what? I decided that today was the day I was going to start again. Is there something you have been avoiding? What is holding you back, is it your own neurosis?  Mine, holds me back all the time. But the beauty of life is that every day is a new opportunity to work towards the life you want. This is day 1 for me!

xoxo,

Betsy Aimee 

Eastside Career Chic in The Daily Muse: How to Deal with Depression at Work

Source: repinly.com via Betsy on Pinterest

Read my newest post for The Daily Muse a publication for smart young professional women

A few months ago, I told you how a quarter-life crisis catapulted me into a severe depression, and my story of recovering. The response I received from that piece since tells me that I’m not alone in this plight, and that many of us have experienced a similar personal crisis. And a recent article onForbes confirmed that more millennials are suffering from depression, anxiety, or some other form of mood disorder than ever before.

One of the hardest parts of my ordeal was that, in the midst of it all, I still had to be a functional adult and stay on top of my job responsibilities. And while there are many great books online about how to deal with depression or anxiety at work, I also want to share some suggestions based on my own experience for making it through—and even thriving.

Follow the link for tips! 

How to Put Your Best Self Forward

Welcome to my newly re-designed blog. I am so excited that my friend was willing to help my blog put its best face forward! I love her. Sometimes we know that something is great but intuitively we know that it could be even better.In life and in blogging there is always room for improvement. Thus now that my friend took care of the blog I have dedicated these past few weeks to reflect on life and rid my mind of clutter to put my best self forward. Here's how you can do it too!

1) Search the Internet for Answers: 

Source: marthastewart.com via Lizbeth on Pinterest

Penelope Trunk saved my life, I found her through HuffPo and we have been in a relationship ever since.She doesn't know it, but she planted the seed for this blog and my journey as a writer, influenced my last salary negotiation and has played a role in my marriage. She shares intimate details of her life and inspired me to share my own story without fear of judgment.

Her advice led me to discover other quarter-life crisis self-help gurus like Alexandra Robbins who wrote a book on how to survive and conquer your quarter-life crisis. These books gave me hope in some difficult moments and so did Penelope.  Finding Penelope Trunk on the internet changed my life. If you are strategic you too can find life altering sites on the internet! It''s very silly advice but it's also very easy to do.

2) Shake Things Up:

You cannot keep doing the same thing and expect different outcomes. I know this because I have tried it and trust me it FAILS every time. When I was depressed, sulking around at home and complaining about my life did not make things better. What made it better was seeing a therapist, getting a dog and doing a series of other things that did not just occur as I slept in till 2pm on a weekend. If you feel lost you will need to make an effort to find whatever it is you're looking for, a new job, a new relationship, a new apartment, etc.

You can start small, for example in the past few weeks I cut inches off my hair, and tried to change my hair color. I didn't say you had to go crazy here, baby steps are fine. I also decided to spruce up my social life by attending events I would normally not attend because i'm too tired, too busy or too lazy to attend.  I attended the FAWN You Tube channel launch and a movie screening for Girl in Progress (which you really should see) At the second event I even networked and asked someone to meet me for coffee! Step out of your comfort zone, you may meet  people or get a cool gift bag filled with fun make-up!

Here I am shaking things up at the You Tube channel launch with my shorter hair, and hot pink pants (an unusual wardrobe choice and yet another way I was shaking things up) See I have proof that I am taking my own advice! 

3) Focus on the Positive: 

I was in the middle of March Madness (the work kind not the basketball kind) and I noticed a crazy increase in my blog's traffic. I then realized the Forbes.com had picked up my latest article for The Daily Muse!! Here was my advice on Forbes.com. One year ago, I wasn't even writing and now here I am on a major site that was accomplishment HUGE for me. It also proves that searching the internet for answers and shaking things up really does make a difference when you're lost. I started this blog to shake things up and challenge myself and I did it by searching for cool bloggers on the internet. I have encountered so many amazing people and really discovered a whole new side of myself, the writer. I usually look at past blog posts and focus on typos or how things could have been phrased differently. I am now trying to focus on this small victory and using it as motivation to keep writing. (Just found several typos here too, Ugh)

4) Don't Worry About Feeling Lost:
These past few weeks have been crazy and I have been reflecting a lot about what I want for this blog and for my career. Whenever this happens I usually turn to the Patron Saint for Lost 20 Somethings, Penelope Trunk. She writes eloquently about being lost and urges readers to embrace being lost because personal growth looks a lot like being lost. I have felt lost so many times I am now in the running for a lost 20-something medal of honor for personal growth, and it is VERY frustrating but I try to remember this little nugget of advice I found on my new obsession Pinterest.

Source: coolmemories.tumblr.com via Betsy on Pinterest

So go ahead and embrace the discomfort of being lost and put your best self forward!
How are you shaking things up this spring? When was the last time you felt lost and what did you do about it?

xoxo
Betsy Aimee

Tips to Stay Afloat When You Are Overwhelmed

Source: adoseofgumption.tumblr.com via Allison @ on Pinterest

I really wanted to name this post, "What do to When you Feel like you are About to Lose your Sh*t" but I thought that might elicit the wrong response. Without going into too much detail I will say that I am very busy (in a good way) at work, dealing with family issues and trying to adjust to new financial realities and have been feeling overwhelmed with life.

Whenever I am stressed my patterns of self-destructive behavior start to kick-in and for now they are manifesting themselves in the form of extreme hunger that results in over-eating (usually fast-food) and an extreme desire to hit the mall (or the internet) and do some impulse shopping. 

Indulging these behaviors is fun but then the hangover ie-guilt that comes after is too much to bear. Therefore I have decided that it is time for some new ways to manage stress, here's what I have so far: 

1) Do Things for Others: My friend ran the L.A Marathon on Sunday and my other friend and I decided to go cheer her on. The day before I did something completely out of character and offered to make some encouraging posters for my friend (the runner). Normally, I would not have offered to do this because of my lackluster artistic abilities but I was so stressed that coloring seemed like a great escape. I found myself enjoying the task and it felt great to cheer on my friend while she accomplished such a feat. The old adage "tis better to give than to receive" has some truth to it. 

Source: etsy.com via Delmy on Pinterest

2) This is Not the Time to Feel Guilty for What You Aren't Doing: We all have those things we have on the back burner, you know doing our taxes, cleaning our attic etc. For me, it's starting an exercise plan. Every week/day that I don't do it, I feel guilty over it. I decided that with all of the million things I need to do. I need to be ok with not being able to accomplish all of my goals and being proud of myself for keeping up with other things like blogging etc. 

Source: alreadypretty.com via Christine on Pinterest

3) No Matter How Crazy Life Gets, Leave Some Time for Yourself: It's easy to forget about ourselves when we are taking care of everything and everyone else, but you will not last very long if you don't take some time to decompress. I take a few minutes every night to read a book, a magazine or watch re-runs on TV Land or find pretty pictures on Pinterest for my blog posts. This also helps me sleep as I clear my mind of all the craziness from the day. Do whatever you enjoy. Another friend told me that her exercise time is precious because it allows her to unplug and not be bothered by anyone. Also this is probably not the best time to forget to go to therapy. :)

4) Keep Calm: Don't lose your sh*t, because if you do then you will spend all of next cleaning up the mess you made this week because you pissed everyone off. Just keep calm and be like Kate Middleton: classy, poised and of course, well dressed.

Source: definingclassy.tumblr.com via Grace on Pinterest

I am still working on this list, but  I want to know, how do you deal with stress? How do you keep it together during stressful times? 

Challenges for Millennial Women

This is a special post in honor of the Third Annual Blog for International Women’s Day, a day where bloggers, writers, and humanitarian organizations are asked to write about issues facing women and girls. 

International Women’s Day provides us with a great opportunity to celebrate the many things the women who came before us accomplished. But it is also a time to ponder on the many things we have yet to do..  Our world has seen very dramatic changes in the past 50 years and millennial women have reaped the benefits of the revolutions that occurred in the 60’s and 70’s. Yet we don’t have to go very far but to see that millennial women still have much ground to cover on the domestic and international fronts:

A Fair Work Place

·     I’m sure you know that the United States is one of the few industrialized nations that doesn’t provide Universal Paid Maternity Leave. This is only one of the many issues that affect women’s role in the workplace and is indicative of pay inequities that still exist in our country.  Clearly we are still struggling to integrate women with children into the workforce in an equitable way. Meanwhile, the stay-at home mommies and the work mommies are still struggling to find common ground. I hope millennial women figure out how we can all join forces so that women stop feeling like they have to choose one path over the other.

·      I’m also still alarmed at the pay inequities that exist among men and women and how this recession has disproportionately affected women. While it is great that more of us are taking on Graduate and Professional degrees during times of economic uncertainty it is unfair that we will be compensated differently once we enter the workforce. We have heard the numbers: 

• Women earn 77-85 (studies take into account certain factors to come up with the higher number) cents to every dollar a Man makes. If you are a woman of color this number is lower (Yay, for me). As if we needed more proof the most recent census revealed that women earn less per month than men at EVERY degree level.  We could go into details as to the why’s and the hows of this but either way it is something we need to examine further in the next few decades.

Slut Shaming (See next point)

Access to Basic Health Care
If you haven’t noticed it seems that health services that have played a big role in women’s lives, such as birth control, are still considered quite controversial. Just last week Rush Limbaugh caused an up roar when he declared that the Georgetown Student that testified in Congress about the importance of having access to birth control, was a “slut” and that her and all of the other Feminazi’s that want to government to pay for birth control should have to upload videos of the themselves having sex. Then a few weeks back Mr. Foster Friess (sp?) explained to renowned journalist Andrea Mitchell that in his day women would “put a Bayer aspiring between their legs for birth control” aka- Close your legs! Mr. Freeze was on television discussing his support for Presidential nominee, Rick Santoroum who was quoted as saying that “birth control is harmful to society.” Geez.

This is a challenge for millennial women because the way these things play out in our country is very indicative or where women stand in contemporary society. I know our mom’s and grandmothers tell us that “we just don’t know what it was like in the old days” and you know what? Thanks to all of their efforts we don’t, but we still have our own battles to fight. I can’t help but wonder if these political discussions would play out differently if Congress was 83% female, instead 83% male. Hmmm…This reminds me of my next point

Breaking the Glass Ceiling/s and/or denying there is still a Glass Ceiling to Break

Source: janluijk.nl via Catherine on Pinterest

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in parallel universes, on the one hand there is world declaring “the end of men” and telling me how men are falling behind on educational attainment. Yet on the other hand I see a world where I can only think a few female CEO’s and I see that many of the organizations that hold the power in our society are still very male dominated. This brings us into a larger discussion about whether or not women are failing to achieve seats of power because they don’t really want to be there, what Sheryl Sandberg called “the ambition gap” in her now famous (well famous among my colleagues) TED Talk. Others may argue that there are indeed true barriers to access. If such barriers exist are they institutional barriers? Or is it that women were not raised to have the characteristics needed to succeed in high level positions? I wish I had the answer to these questions. If I did there wouldn’t have been a need to list it as a challenge for millennial women. I will probably be wondering about this one for the rest of my life. This brings me to my next thought…

First World Problems

 I use the phrase “first world problems” when I am discussing a problem that can only happen in the life of someone who has their basic needs fully met. It’s also a reminder to myself that for a majority of women around the world, not having been selected to serve on a Board of Directors is a superfluous issue that does not compare to losing a child because you are unable to provide food or shelter, or because you are living in a place being ravaged by a war that was most likely started by men. (Sorry sometimes I make generalizations)
How will we continue to advance the rights of women and girls around the world to ensure that they are no longer casualties of famine, war and of the decisions made by those around them? Michelle Bachelet is one example of a bad-ass woman who is working to ensure that the next generation of women has a better chance at life. While it is important to work to advance ourselves, we must also remember our sisters around the world who could use our help and deserve a chance to pursue their own dreams and aspirations.


Ok so now that you are riled up let’s look at some organizations that are already working hard to solve these issues:    

• To Get HER There- Learn more about the issues affecting women and girls affect all of us and how we can develop the next generation of women leaders! 
• Women’s Media Center- Changing the public discourse on issues pertaining to women and girls 
• United Nations for Women- Learn more about how to help women around the world 
• 20 20 Campaign- Wrote about them before. Great organization working to increase diversity in our country’s board rooms. 
• Planned Parenthood Action Center- Don’t just get angry at Rush Limbaugh, Get Involved!

What do you think are the biggest challenges for Millennial women? 


Together we can make a difference!
Happy Women’s Day!
xoxo
Betsy Aimee

My Feminine Mystique...

One afternoon, I sat in my living room and looked around at my belongings. There was the large cabinet that held souvenirs from my adventures working on Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign. There was my book collection (organized by size and color), the college degree I had worked so hard to obtain, and a display of carefully selected photos with my friends and loved ones.

But as I stared at all these objects, the symbols that represented the life I had created for myself, I sobbed inconsolably. From the corner of my eye, I could see a hardcover copy of Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique. I recalled Friedan’s writing about the unhappiness that plagued middle-class women of the 1950s and 60s. I never thought I would relate to these women, who, on the surface seemed content, yet upon closer inspection, were miserable. Friedan called it “the problem which has no name.”

I knew I had a problem, but unlike the one Friedan wrote about, mine did have a name: depression.

Read this article in its entirety by visiting The Daily Muse

Self Help for Skeptics

I have recently started seeing a new therapist/life coach. Yes, she’s expensive. Yes, she’s worth it!  This week we were discussing my shopping addiction which is exemplified on several blog posts, like this one. We were talking about the giddy feelings I get when I buy myself something pretty, and she said that maybe I should create a personal mission statement and that I should reference it before I purchase something to make sure it fits into what I want in life. Personal mission statement? Yeah that’s for nerds and optimists. 

That made recall a training I did a few years ago where I went through a series of exercises that led me to create a mission statement but back then I secretly scoffed at the idea as it sounded like something people who take themselves seriously would do and I am not that kind of gal. I reviewed the mission statement I wrote on that day and clearly much has changed in the past 2 years. Not only this time rather than being skeptical I was kind of excited about developing a mission statement, probably because I have now embraced my inner self-help nerd. 

I started doing research and I was relieved that others have already written eloquently on the subject!  Classy Career Girl, Anna Runyan explains that her mission statement helps her keep track of what she wants to achieve with her blog. She's awesome and I loved this mission statement she shared so much that I featured the image on my blog (see above) Your personal mission statement then will help you keep track of what you want in life. I started working on my own mission statement and relating it back to what my therapist said, that I should make it a tool to keep in the back of mind whenever i’m making small or large decisions. I love writing about myself in 3^rd person! Here goes my first attempt:

To live without fear, pursue my passions, embrace my personal style, achieve the ideal work-life balance, meet my spiritual and health needs, while creating financial stability that will alleviate stress in my middle age.

Here’s what I found out about myself in this short exercise:

• Financial stability- Is important –NOW, I used to pride myself on not caring about money, I have realized that money gives you options and I want more time to do all the things I cannot afford to do now like travel and shower my family and friends with nice gifts. Oh and boring stuff like retirement. 
• Personal Style-I should ask myself next time I buy a pair of shoes if they are indeed helping me embrace personal style or just a momentary desire that will only hinder my ability to meet my other goals.
• Work-Life Balance- I never thought this was an issue until I realized that working 10 hour days is no way to enjoy life.
• Spiritual and Health Needs-Again things I didn’t care about at 21, F*ck i’m old.
• Pursuing my Passions- This blog is one step in that direction. Never thoughts writing would be a hobby. I had to have a breakdown (see work-life balance or lack thereof) to finally start looking for a creative outlet. 

Clearly I have changed my mind on the personal mission statement. However, I am still on the trajectory to embrace other useful tools that are meant to help map out the road to achieving the lives we want to lead. Check out this book for more exercises to help guide you and this great quote from said book:

"Some people don't just live: they lead a life. They don't sit around waiting for a lucky break. They create opportunities. They go after their dreams and bring them to life….

Why does this matter? Because we only live once silly. So do like the ill-fated lovers on the Titanic, and make each day count!

What’s your personal statement? Try to write one, I promise it's easy and you may learn something about yourself!

If you liked this post PLEASE comment, subscribe or follow me on (the) twitter @betsyaimee.

XOXO

Betsy Aimee.

Invest in Yourself, Just Make Sure There's a Return on Your Investment

Everyday we are confronted with a myriad of financial decisions...
"Should I stop for coffee?"
"Should I eat the lunch I made at home or hit the nearest burger joint?" Guess how I usually answer  that question, :)
"Does the dog really need a new outfit?" Rational Answer: No!
"Should I shop around for gas or just go to the nearest place when I run out of gas?"
"Should I agree to loan (insert name of friend/relative) money?"

In case you're wondering these are actual decisions I have been confronted with recently.

In this era of consumerism and where people are always looking for the next best gadget- Ipad 2/Iphone 101 anybody? - to keep up their image, it is very difficult to make decisions about how to spend money that can be truly unique and independent as we are constantly being subjected to targeted marketing that was designed specifically for us based on age, race etc.

And then there's the stuff we search for late at night....

Exhibit A- I have been obsessing over You Tube make up tutorial and beauty videos. They are inmensely addicting to someone like me. I have loved Make-Up ever since I was old enough to dig through my mother and older sister's make up. Now that I have emerged from the valley of the shadow of Depression I have re-discovered my love for face painting.

These videos are the budget shoppers guilty pleasures.  It's great to learn about beauty products and they prevent you from having to buy products that are overpriced, inadequate or who do not keep their marketing promises.
Yes of course, these videos help me save money!!
I think they could if I didn't have a compulsive need to buy things.

See below here is my newest nail polish purchased on a late night binge at my local drugstore. After all glitter polish will continue to be a top trend in 2012.

If we could graph the incidence of cosmetic product purchases after I watch these videos we would see a direct cause and effect relationship. I wont tell you what I have purchased in the past few weeks for fear of judgment (but I did post a picture of everything above) and also because I havent completely abandoned the idea of starting my own You Tube channel to share my "hauls" in the hope that I will soon become the next You Tube sensation.

I am fascinated by this phenomenon as these You Tube beauty experts are gaining momentum and cosmetic companies are definitely taking notice. In this video, one of the gals I enjoy shows off the drawer of the stuff that gets sent to her by cosmetic companies. I would lie if I said I wasnt jealous

I wouldnt publicly admit to following her but there's this young gal who has over 100 million hits and has recently hired a PR firm to represent her and is clearly trying to capitalize on her You Tube fame by coining herself the "Fashion Icon of the Social Media Generation."  Her readers sometimes  argue about her credentials as a fashionist/beauty guru in their comments section but she's clearly making a living this way. 

But there's more to this a few years ago it would have seemed outlandish but these young gals are actually good career role models because they are doing what they love and turning it into a profession and incorporating into their lives.  They are also following Penelope Trunk's advice and branding themselves as experts. in their fields by using social media and creating a following.

 This is something that all of us could learn from to advance our careers and the importance of investing time to pursue what we love. Investing in ourselves is key to getting ahead whether that means buying cosmetics and uploading videos, seeing a career coach, or my favorite investing in a killer wardrobe that will help make you more confident at work. 

Where does that leave me and my potential You Tube Channel idea. I have a lot on my plate and I look fat on camera but I will definitely keep considering the Yout Tube venture. Mostly because then my cosmetic obsession can be considered an investment in my future! Doing something you love is never a waste of time because it contributes to your personal happiness an that is of course the best investment money and You Tube can buy.  For the time being please keep reading this blog. I promise to share the goodies as soon as they start coming in....

Why I Hate New Year's Resolutions

Source: facebook.com via sophia on Pinterest

I hate New Year's resolutions.. I mean who needs another reason to feel bad about the many things they dont do?! Dont get me wrong, it's not like my life is perfect. In fact on January 1st I immediately came up with a list of resolutions and  on February 2nd I was already failing to keep them and thus I gave up on the whole idea. One of those included blogging more frequently.

Instead I think we should take January to reflect on the many great things we accomplished in 2011 and how we will continue to build on those successes. Think about what made you happy last year and make sure you continue to do that. Here are some of the things that worked for me in my quest for personal development:

1) Try New Things: It sounds like a no-brainer but it is easy to come home everyday after work and sit down in front of the computer, and on weekends you sleep in, have a few drinks and then get ready to do the work week all over again. I have driven myself crazy with this routine for quite sometime. Last year I finally took a creative writting class and was completely scared of having to read my work in front of others. But it felt great to finally do it! Think about what you want to try that are you too afraid or to lazy to try and make 2012 the year you do it!

2) Keep Going Even if Not Everything is Going Right: Last year had many ups: vacations, celebrations, new home etc. But there was also things on the personal front that just didnt work. However, I plowed through the bad days and enjoyed the good ones. That's the only way I kept my sanity and even though it's only January 7th I already know I will need that same resolve in 2012.

3) Read about people who share your interests:  I am interested in career, personal hapiness, and fashion so that's what I read about. Make sure you have a hobby or something that interests you outside of work. I love Penelope Trunk as she writes about careers and personal developments. No really, you should read her! She wrote a great blog on what is trending in 2012.  This will get your creative juices flowing.

4) There's Always Room for Improvement: I just bought a new home and have seen that the remodeling process will pose challenges for me and for my relationship. "What do you mean you aren't finishing the floor this week?!" Just when you think you have overcome one hurdle life seems to throw you another. I need to work on my gratitude because no matter how great my house is I cant get over the fact that it doesnt look like what I want to look. This is just bratty behavior on my part as this is really a great home that needs some love and care. I really need to work on my outlook life. As someones who suffers from depression this is quite a feat, but im not giving up without a fight! :)

If you want a full life remodel I highly reccomend the New York Times Best Seller, "The Happiness Project." In this book she takes a whole year to work on different aspects of her life. It's a great, light read and there's even exercises to create your own happiness project.

5) Challenge Yourself- This year I plan on creating more looks with less clothes and use more recycled clothing ie- used/vintage. This is my Style Challenge 2012. I did a great job on honing in on my personal style in 2011 and I will be taking it the next step in 2012.

Someone famous said, "A life unexamined is not worth living" Examining every day is exhausting (I should know) but just make sure you are in the drivers seat in 2012!

The moment I gave up on blogging everyday I actually blogged. Woo hoo!
xo,
Betsy Aimee

Fear Factor

Last Wednesday, I attended my first Creative Non-Fiction writing class. I showed up giddy, super excited about that I was finally, finally doing this. I had been putting off pursuing my aspirations of writing for so long and pretending like it was something I would pursue later. In this case, later meant when I won the lottery and had loads of free time. The first step of this new endeavor was my blog, and this course was the 2nd step. I had been secretly counting down the days until the class began.

After conducting the usual roll call, and syllabus review we delved into the fun stuff. One of the first things we did, was an exercise during which we discussed why we wanted to write and answered a series of questions which elicited hilarious, creative responses from the attendees.

That’s when it first happened. I felt the blood rushing to my face, my heart started beating a little faster and I suddenly felt like I had walked up a few flights of stairs. (Okay one of flight of stairs, I’m not in the best shape at the moment) I knew that there were the physical manifestations of my feelings of inadequacy. But this was no time to accept defeat and I pushed myself to keep calm. However, when it was time for me to speak, I muttered, “Well I won’t be as funny as the person who just spoke before me.” There it was again the self-doubt and I actually verbalized it to my entire class. Ugh.

Continue reading on Examiner.com Fear Factor - Los Angeles career coach | Examiner.com

What Are YOU Working Towards?

The movie, “I don’t know how she does it” has unleashed a flurry of articles on the subject of women and the work/life/kids/husbands balance. In the movie (which I hope to see with gal pals soon) the main character balances and demanding career in finance with her child rearing responsibilities, without ignoring her husband, friends etc. I literally, “don’t know how she does it,” I thought to myself. I think that about her and all the mommies that I adore and even my friends without children but who nonetheless still have incredibly demanding lives. I feel overwhelmed with my 20 something life which at the moment involves a totally understanding partner and a 4 pound dog. Let’s not forget my large family which never fails to create drama in my life at the most inopportune times.

Given the many demands of our modern lives, it’s easy to get lost in the mundane details of everyday tasks. However, movies like this make me think about what my life could be like in the next 5, 10, 15 years. What about you? Have you asked yourself what kind of life you want in the next 5 to 10 years? Are you currently on a path to achieve this lifestyle? Are there any conditions in the workforce or in your current career path that are a hinder for you to achieve that lifestyle? Do you want children? It may seem very unromantic but its super important to consider your choice in partner when analyzing how you will run a Fortune 500 Company, and achieve your dreams of motherhood and meet your bff for coffee/drinks once a week.( Of course, I will one day be doing all these things I addition to volunteering and weighing 120 lbs. Haha)

On a more serious note, I would really like to believe that no one should have to choose between having a fulfilling personal life or having a successful career. I myself struggle with this statement as I realize it may sound naïve or unrealistic, especially for those of you working in especially demanding fields. But I believe that we have the opportunity to change things. The generations before us were busy opening the doors for us. Now that these doors are (almost) wide open it’s important to think about what we will do once we are sitting in that corner office or to think about whether or not the corner office is what we’re chasing after.

 I realize that these are all very self-indulgent, bourgeois/yuppie problems. My mother never even had the option to consider this work life balance. Working wasn’t a feminist statement, it was an economic necessity. Whenever I think of all the women like my mother and all of the trailblazers like that came before me. It is then I pause and realize that thanks to all of their hard work I am able to sit here and blog about the difficulties of being a modern woman. Then I think about my nieces, sister and all of the other women coming behind me!

The conditions for women and everyone else will only change if the woman entering the workforce NOW decide that they will break with the status quo and start changing things up once they are in charge. As that old saying goes, you need to be the change you wish to see in the world!! I want to leave you with video by someone I have been admiring for a while. Sheryl Sandberg is the COO of Facebook. I love a woman who is bad ass at work and manages to look stylish, fabulous and put together! She gave a very poignant speech on women in the workforce. In her speech she references how women abandon the workforce before they meet their true potential. I wonder though, how many women are put off by the seemingly overwhelming prospect of having a career in a workforce that hasn’t adapted to all of the changes that have occurred in the lives of women and men in last 60 years.. Let me know your thoughts. I especially want to know if you disagree!

Stay Fabulous!
Betsy Aimee


 

How to Stay Fabulous All Year Long…

Up until a very short time ago, I used to pride myself on being workaholic. Frequently you would hear me say things such as, “I never take time off in between jobs” or “I only take long weekends off-Not entire weeks!”  One of the craziest things I did was that after 2 months of working grueling 16 hour days on a Presidential Campaign (For a candidate that shall remain nameless as this is not a political blog). I flew back home to Los Angeles and returned to work within 24 hours.  I proceeded to work the next 18 months without taking any kind of a vacation. In between this I switched jobs and only took few days off for the Holidays. Even when I wasn’t at work I was obsessing about it or thinking about it and let’s not even talk about the incessant blackberry usage that would occur on my “so called” days off.


When after 18 months I finally took a week off, I was still emailing with coworkers.  Then I did something that I’m sure many Type A control freaks like me do - I took a “vacation” that was scheduled to the second. Wait, it gets worst.  I brought my nieces to stay with me for a week for what I know call, “Betsy’s See LA Week in a week of non-stop driving, museums, restaurants Tour.”  Needless to say, my lesson that week was that a) Vacationing with children is babysitting, not vacationing! b) Sometimes you need a vacation from your vacation.
A few months later, I started my dream job!  Did I take any time off in between? Of course not.  I immediately immersed myself in my new and exciting role!  After about 4 weeks I became sick, and then spent the entire spring with the flu, cold, and inexplicable aches and pains.  It was at this point I realized I had spread myself too thin.

It was also around this time, I started reading about the importance of vacations. Vacations help us re-group; it’s like hitting the refresh button on our brains. I thought taking time off implied I didn’t care about my career. All it did was made me ill, frazzled and moody all factors that can affect productivity and job performance. Everything I have read on the issue has confirmed this belief and I have also learned that sadly I’m not alone.  Joe Robnison reported on the Huffington Post, that, “Expedia’s just-released annual survey shows that only 38 percent of Americans use all their vacation days.”  I can’t help but wonder as to how this plays into this country’s high rates of stress/anxiety, and lower life span when compared to other developed nations.  


This is why, I’m so proud to report that next week I will be hitting the refresh button and taking a full week off and I will actually be leaving the city! You see in order to stay fabulous one must maintain a healthy work life balance.  I will admit I was freaking out a little this week as to how I would keep up with everything etc.  I’m hoping I won’t remember my blackberry and I’m fighting the urge to bring my laptop with me.  I plan on lounging by the pool, sleeping in and reading all those books I purchase but never get around to reading.  This will also be a good opportunity for some fabulous outfits.


Let’s finish off with one of my favorite quotes by the legendary Coco Chanel…. “A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.”


Stay Fabulous!